Coach Up Before You Coach Out. Never Coach Down.

What if the secret to getting the best out of people isn’t telling them what they’re doing wrong, but reminding them of everything they’re capable of doing right?

I want you to think about the best job you’ve ever had.

Not necessarily the one that paid you the most. Not the one with the fanciest office, the best benefits, or the break room with the really expensive coffee machine.

I’m talking about the job you actually loved.

The one where you woke up in the morning and didn’t dread going to work. The one where you were proud to tell people what you did. Where, even on the hardest days, you knew you were exactly where you belonged.

Now ask yourself something. What made that job so special?

Was it the paycheck? The building? The company logo on your shirt? Or was it the people?

Was it the feeling that you mattered? That somebody appreciated you? That your contributions were important, your ideas were heard, and the people around you actually wanted you there?

I’ve had the privilege of working in environments like that.

Once you’ve experienced it, you never forget it. And more importantly, once you’ve experienced it, you start wondering why every workplace can’t feel that way.

A Work Family

Not productivity reports. Not performance evaluations. Not quarterly earnings.

People.

I remember exercises where we’d have some of us switch departments or roles for a day to learn what the other parts of the machine do, what challenges they faced, and potentially find ways to better their processes from a different perspective.

We would sometimes write our names on notebooks, exchange them with one another, and spend weeks filling those pages with things we appreciated about each other.

Things we’d noticed. Lessons we’d learned. Challenges we’d faced and the solutions we’d discovered along the way. Sometimes encouragement. Sometimes advice. Always something worth sharing.

Eventually, those notebooks would find their way back to their owners.

Imagine opening yours and discovering pages and pages of people telling you what you meant to them. How you’d helped them. How you’d made their job better. Or finding a story someone had taken the time to share because they believed their experience might help you through something of your own.

Not because it was your birthday. Not because you were retiring. Not because you were leaving.

Just because you were there and you mattered.

That changes a person.

It changes the way they see themselves. It changes the way they see the people around them. And it changes the way they approach the work they’re doing together.

We celebrated each other’s victories. We supported each other through difficult times. We believed in one another. And when somebody struggled, the rest of us didn’t stand around pointing out their failures. We stepped in, encouraged them, and helped, because their success was our success.

And you know what?

The work got done.

The organizations thrived. People showed up because they wanted to be there. There was an energy that didn’t feel like another mundane Monday spent waiting for payday, but rather a family coming together to make something special happen.

And the pride we took in our work wasn’t something management had to demand.

It was something we’d built together.

People First. Everything Else Follows.

Somewhere along the way, many businesses have confused managing people with managing their mistakes.

Think about the typical performance evaluation. You sit down with your manager and they pull out a document… And here it comes.

“You need to improve this.”

“You’re falling short here.”

“We need to see more of this.”

“You should be doing better at that.”

And sure, maybe some of those things are true. We’re human. We’re not perfect. We all have areas where we can improve.

But let me ask you something.

Do you really think most employees walk into work every morning completely unaware of their own shortcomings?

Come on.

Most of us know when we’re having a bad day. We know when we could’ve done better. We know when we’ve been distracted, when we’ve fallen behind, or when we haven’t given something our best effort. We live with ourselves twenty-four hours a day. We don’t need somebody standing over our shoulder constantly reminding us that we’re not perfect.

We need somebody reminding us that we’re valuable. That we’re capable. That we’re needed. That somebody sees the things we’re doing right.

Because what happens when all someone ever hears is what they’re doing wrong?

Eventually, they stop trying to impress anybody.

They stop sharing ideas. They stop volunteering. They stop caring whether the company succeeds or fails.

They clock in, do their job, collect their paycheck, and they go home.

And management looks at that employee and says, “They’ve got a bad attitude.”

But…

Did they stop caring about the company? Or did the company stop making them feel like they mattered?

Give Them Their Flowers

“Give people their flowers while they’re still here.”

We usually hear that when we’re talking about life, about appreciating the people we love before it’s too late. But why shouldn’t we bring that same philosophy into the workplace?

Why do we wait until someone’s last day to tell them how much they’ve meant to the company? Why do we wait until somebody puts in their two weeks’ notice to suddenly tell them how valuable they are, or to notice and realize they weren’t feeling appreciated? Why does somebody have to be leaving before we recognize everything they brought to the table?

Give them their flowers now.

Tell your graphic designer how much their creativity has elevated your brand and inspired you.

Tell your salesperson how much their relationship with customers matters and encourage them to build those same relationships across departments.

Tell the person in shipping that they’re not just putting boxes on trucks. They’re helping somebody hundreds of miles away keep their business running.

Tell the person who’s been quietly showing up for ten years that you see them, and that your success is in part thanks to their dedication.

And mean it when you say it.

Because there’s something extraordinary that happens when people genuinely feel appreciated. They start to see themselves differently. They’re no longer just somebody filling a position. They’re part of something. They’re needed, important, and they belong.

All humans have the basic need to be seen, heard, be a part of something meaningful, and to belong. When people feel like they belong to something, they often start caring about it in a completely different way. Not because somebody told them they had to, but because they want to.

Coach Up Before You Coach Out

Coach up before you coach out. Never coach down.

And I want to explain exactly what I mean by that, because it’s probably not what you’re thinking.

Imagine you’ve got an employee who’s struggling. Maybe their productivity is slipping. Maybe they’re distracted, disengaged, or simply not performing at the level you know they’re capable of.

The traditional approach is to sit them down and tell them what they’re doing wrong.

“You need to improve this.”

“You’re falling behind here.”

“We need to see better results.”

But what if we didn’t?

What if instead of telling people where they’re falling short, we asked them where they think they could grow?

When I sit down with somebody on my team, I want to start with what they’re doing right. Not as a way to soften the blow of criticism that’s coming next. Not as some management trick where you sandwich bad news between two compliments.

I want to recognize their contributions because they deserve to be recognized. Period.

Then I want to ask some questions.

“How are you feeling about your work?”

“What do you enjoy most about what you do?”

“Where do you think you could improve?”

“What would make you feel more engaged?”

“Is there something we could provide that would help you be even better at your job?”

And here’s the important part.

I want them to answer.

I don’t want to hand someone a list of their shortcomings. I want to give them the opportunity to recognize their own potential, take ownership of their growth, and tell me how I can help them get there.

Because we’re not raising children. We’re working with adults.

Adults who have responsibilities, ambitions, abilities, and the capacity to evaluate themselves. I don’t want to spend my days policing people. I want to spend my days leading them.

There’s a difference.

Think about the employee who’s always on their phone. The traditional manager asks, “Why shouldn’t I tell them to put their phone away?”

I ask a different question.

“Why have we reached a point where I have to?”

What if we built a team of people who took pride in their work, understood their responsibilities, and wanted to contribute without constantly being reminded of what’s expected of them?

What if we spent less time correcting behavior and more time creating an environment where people genuinely wanted to do their best?

That’s coaching up.

It doesn’t mean lowering expectations. It doesn’t mean ignoring problems. And it certainly doesn’t mean rewarding someone for doing nothing.

It means giving people the opportunity, encouragement, and resources to take responsibility for their own success.

Of course, not everyone will.

Some people aren’t interested in growing. Some won’t take ownership of their responsibilities. Some simply aren’t the right fit for the team or the culture you’re trying to build.

And that’s where the second part comes in.

Coach out.

If you’ve communicated the expectations, recognized their strengths, offered support, provided opportunities, and given someone a genuine chance to grow, but they’re still unwilling to meet you halfway, then perhaps it’s time to part ways.

That’s not a failure of kindness. That’s recognizing that the right fit matters.

And yes, sometimes that means having one difficult, direct conversation. Businesses have standards, and decisions have consequences. However, that conversation doesn’t need to become the everyday language of your workplace.

Because here’s what I believe:

Negativity shouldn’t be the tool we use to manage people.

I’ve personally worked in organizations that operated this way. Places where encouragement was the standard, people took ownership of their responsibilities, and leadership focused on bringing out the best in everyone. I’ve seen what happens when that philosophy becomes part of the culture.

People want to contribute. They want to improve. They want to support each other. They take pride in the work because they feel like they’re part of something worth building.

That’s the kind of environment I want to create.

Coach up. Help people discover what they’re capable of and give them the tools to get there.

Coach out when you’ve genuinely tried and the fit simply isn’t right.

But never coach down.

Never make someone feel small. Never make somebody feel worthless. Never use your position of authority to make another human being feel like they’re less than you. A job title doesn’t make you more valuable as a person. It just gives you a different responsibility.

If that responsibility involves leading people, then I believe part of your job is helping them recognize their own worth.

Negativity Is Contagious

Negativity spreads.

It rarely stays between the manager and the employee who received it.

One person leaves a meeting feeling criticized or defeated. They vent to a coworker. That coworker shares a similar experience. Before long, what started as one uncomfortable conversation has become a shared frustration.

Now you’ve got gossip. Complaining. Resentment. Low morale.

And eventually, people who once loved their jobs start looking for somewhere else to work—all because negativity was allowed to become part of the everyday workflow.

I’ve seen what that kind of environment can do to people. And I’ve experienced the opposite, too. That’s why I believe you don’t invite negativity into your workplace structure in the first place.

You don’t make fault-finding a management strategy. You don’t build your culture around reprimands, criticism, or constantly reminding people what they’re doing wrong.

You build it around encouragement, appreciation, personal responsibility, and growth.

And when negativity does find its way in? You address it before it spreads.

Not by silencing people who have legitimate concerns. Not by pretending problems don’t exist. But by dealing with those problems constructively, helping people find solutions, and refusing to let blame, gossip, or resentment become the way your team communicates.

Because a healthy workplace isn’t one where nobody ever has a problem.

It’s one where problems don’t have to become negativity.

Think about that for a moment.

We spend so much time teaching managers how to handle difficult employees, difficult conversations, and difficult situations. But how much time do we spend teaching them how to build a culture where those things don’t constantly dominate the workday?

That’s what I’m trying to change.

I don’t want negativity to be something my team has to recover from every Monday morning. I want positivity, pride, and personal responsibility to be what they walk into.

Because just like negativity, positivity can spread, too.

And if I have the opportunity to influence which one becomes part of my company’s culture, I know which one I’m choosing.

The Bottom Line

“That’s a beautiful philosophy. But we’re running a business, not a summer camp.”

Fair enough.

And before someone asks, “What about the employee who knows they’re not doing their job and just doesn’t care?”

That’s exactly my point.

We’re not employing children. We’re employing adults.

If someone needs to be constantly reminded to do the job they were hired to do, maybe the solution isn’t more reminders, more reprimands, or more supervision.

Maybe it’s finding someone who actually wants to do that job.

I’m not suggesting we abandon accountability. I’m suggesting we build teams where accountability comes from within, where people hold themselves to a standard because they take pride in their work.

And when someone doesn’t share that commitment, we don’t have to make the entire workplace revolve around correcting them.

We coach up. And when that doesn’t work, we coach out.

That’s not the absence of accountability.

That’s accountability without making negativity part of the culture.

I work in marketing. I understand that businesses need results, and I understand return on investment. Simultaneously, I also believe some of the most valuable returns aren’t immediately reflected in a sales report.

What’s the value of an employee who genuinely loves where they work?

What’s the value of someone who stays with your company for ten years because they feel appreciated?

What’s the value of a team that supports one another instead of competing against one another?

What’s the value of an employee who brings you their next big idea because they’re excited about helping the company grow?

What’s the value of people who don’t just work for your company, but feel like they’re part of your company?

Those things have value, and sometimes that value becomes financial. Lower turnover, stronger teamwork, better customer experiences, more creativity, and more initiative.

But even before those things show up on a spreadsheet, something important has already happened. You’ve built a place where people want to be, and I believe that’s one of the most powerful investments a company can make.

People Don’t Just Want a Paycheck, They Want Purpose

But I believe people want something more than a paycheck, too.

They want to matter. They want to contribute. They want to be proud of something. They want to look at the people standing beside them and know that they’re part of a team, and when you build that kind of environment, something beautiful happens.

People start looking out for one another. They start celebrating each other’s successes. They start stepping up when someone needs help. They start taking pride in the work because it belongs to all of them. When somebody struggles, the first instinct isn’t to point a finger. It’s to extend a hand.

That’s the kind of leadership I believe in. That’s the kind of workplace I’ve personally experienced, and that’s the kind of workplace I want to help build wherever I go.

The Recognition Challenge

Tomorrow, when you walk into work, find somebody on your team. Not your top performer. Not the person who just landed the biggest sale.

Find somebody who shows up every day and does their job. Somebody who might not hear “thank you” very often, and tell them why they matter. Be specific. Tell them what they bring to the team. Tell them what you’ve noticed. Tell them what you appreciate and what they do well.

Don’t follow it up with a request. Don’t attach a new assignment or expectation. Don’t turn it into a performance evaluation.

Just give them their flowers. Then do it again next week, and the week after that. Make it part of who you are as a leader. Because appreciation shouldn’t be an annual event. It should be part of the culture—and when it is, I believe you’ll start seeing something change.

Not overnight. Not magically. But gradually—people will begin to feel something they may not have felt in a long time.

Pride. Connection. Purpose. Belonging. And maybe, just maybe, they’ll start looking forward to coming to work again.

Closing

I remember both.

But only one kind of leader made me want to become better, and helped me to do so. The other showed me exactly why people leave or stop coming in with the passion they started with.

The one who believed in me. The one who saw my potential. The one who made me feel like I mattered. That one I carry with me as part of my team in every new venture, role, or challenge. They are still there in my head, in my actions, and in my ear whispering… “This is GREAT! Keep Going!”

That’s the kind of leader I want to be. I don’t believe the greatest thing a manager can do is remind someone of their failures. I believe it’s helping them discover their worth.

So give people their flowers. Celebrate their strengths. Help them grow. Make them feel seen, heard, valued, and needed.

Coach up before you coach out. And never, ever coach down.

Because the greatest leaders don’t make people feel lucky to have a job. They make people feel proud to be part of something.

—Ryan Barbin, AKS

The views and opinions expressed in this article are my own and do not necessarily reflect those of American Key Supply.